So here goes my very first blog post. I have no delusion of how brilliant it will be- I am almost certain it won’t be. But at least I have a space now. I have somewhere for my thoughts to flow freely- and anonymously. I don’t post long paragraphs on facebook, and I rarely twitter, I am a little too private for all of that. But I have thoughts and things I would like to say. So here I am. My only hope for this is to have somewhere to share my thoughts. Other than that, I hope for growth through creative writing.
To kick this one off- I would like to get something off my chest that has been there a long time. There was a person in my life who made me feel horrible. Worse, they caused friction with other people in my life. I have long forgiven you, but the hurt and harm you caused is still there. I have tried to understand it, but I still can’t. Instead of trying to understand me- or even give me room to have flaws- you brushed me off. You spoke badly about me to important people in my life. I am very awkward. It is something I am working on. I am trying to understand why it is so very hard for me to talk to people I don’t know very well. I don’t know yet. But instead of trying to work with me, or talk it through, you spoke badly about me. I am also very aggressive. If I feel like someone is angry with me, I ask them. I know this is not entirely appropriate with people I barely know, but I am working on that. I wish by saying all this it would change the past, but it won’t. I wish it meant you were still my friend- but you are not. You seemed fun, even nice. But it turns out, you really weren’t. You were only nice to those you deemed worthy. I hate that for you. Because it means you miss out. There have been people I have met that I wasn’t a fan of- but I did my best to still be kind to them. I am not perfect in any way, but I still try to be kind. There have even been people that I flat out did not like- but I still tried to be kind. I wasn’t always successful. I often failed. But it didn’t stop me from trying. I think maybe I have rambled a bit too much. I said all this to say this: Please don’t treat someone else like you treated me. And when you think back to our non friendship- please don’t put all the blame on me. I believe we were both guilty of acting badly. For my part- I am trying to change how I react to someone treating like less than. I am also trying to correct how I process my emotions when I am facing opposition. I think that is all I have to say for now. I am sure there will be more later.